I was tempted to stop at Part 4, cos my story thus far has basically served its purpose. And because really, from there on, it gets a little more than a wee bit messy. AND of course, because some of my readers are gonna slaughter me if I just stop there, since they've expressed severe dissatisfaction that my part 5 took so freaking long. Here comes the drama...
For those lost, here's a little help
The Story - Part 1
The Story - Part 2
The Story - Part 3
The Story - Part 4
This is a true story, so don't come and ask me if I made it up.
After that very first kiss, we got closer than ever. You know how it is with first kisses. It sorts of breaks all barriers. And then gone are the excitement and flushes you get before that first kiss, and the comfort sets in. You hug, peck, cuddle, hold hands, like you were meant to do so. =D We'd meet every day, even if it was for a while, or even when any of us was busy and it got very late. Because we just started, I thought it inappropriate to bring him home. Furthermore, my mum was tricky when it came to guys I date. So we spent a lot of time outside, at Upper Seletar, Lower Seletar, Sembawang Park, and in the car. Actually, we spent A LOT of time in the car. Either his dad's or my mum's. Talking. Cuddling. Talking. Sleeping. Yup, sleeping. Cos we're not really going to each other's places, and we can't really separate every night, we often ended up snoozing in the car together, cuddled up in the passenger seat in front (not your usual back-seat, as many of you would have thought. We're more kway sio than that. Haha~),
Usually we would meet at the MRT station after his work, which MRT station dependent on whose car we'd be taking that particular night. That's if I was feeling really nice that day. If I was really tired or feeling off, I'd just wait at home. He'd go home first then come pick me up for our little dates. He was really sweet. Once I finished work at Bt Merah, and he took the train down from CCK to Tiong Bahru to meet me despite him having to head home after work to shower first. If it was me I'd have kicked up a big fuss and asked to meet somewhere nearer home. UNLESS I have my own ride. Then that would have been a different story.
I know I know, that is nothing. And I know of partners who travel from Bt Panjang to Pasir Ris to meet their beloveds. But I do appreciate his accomodating me, which doesn't make me feel so stupid. Why I say so is because I've had my fair share of accomodating guys almost ALL the time, and often ended up feeling under-appreciated and grouchy, which sets the PERFECT tone for a quarrel or disagreement. You can see where those relationships went. Might as well, or I wouldn't have grown and decided to love myself more. AND I wouldn't have met Joel. =D
Did I mention when he met me at Tiong Bahru, he showed me a message I sent him cos he wasn't sure what I was talking about, and guess what???? My number showed up as "Dear Dear" leh!!!!!!!!!! (maybe his actual intention was to show me that and not because he wanted to clarify any sms hor~)What what what??? We just started going out, and his number on my phone still showed as his full name ma. He already named me "Dear Dear"!!! Yippee~~~ *skips hops*
Another time I finished work late and he had decided earlier on to make his way to Admiralty first so we could meet earlier for an early Xmas dinner (I was going to Hong Kong the following day and wouldn't be in Singapore for Xmas). In the end I was more than an hour late and he'd had to wait for me. By the time we met it was almost 9ish and most eateries around my area were closing. And guess what, he didn't complain. He didn't show me any sign of discontentment or pek-chek-ness. He just hugged me and smiled and told me he was glad to see me.
That's one thing I love about him. His good temperament. He's hardly angry, or upset about anything. Nothing seems to make him lose his temper. Yes you might say we just started and no one loses their temper at their partners within the first 6 months of the relationship, aka the 'honeymoon period', right? WRONG! I've dated guys who show their very angry or pek chek side within the first 2 months of the relationship. And to be honest, it makes me scared. Like I won't know what to do. Should I try to calm him down? Sweet-talk him and end up having him eng-siu me with a half-hearted smile? Leave him be? Or get annoyed? So it's very nice when you get someone with a good temper. I'm not saying my temper's great. I can get really upset if the certain things that matter a lot to me go awry. And when I'm upset, I mean I'm UPSET. Angry. Dulan. And it'll take quite a bit to make me okay again. Unless you're Alton, which makes it a different matter. For those clueless about Alton, he's my son.
Joel has been getting good at it so far - making me happy again when I'm upset. Sure, he gets quiet and lost and sad and doesn't really know what to do sometimes (cos I'm really quite scary when I'm pissed), but so far, he has managed. You know, I'm a girl, and here's a secret guys - when your girl's angry, or upset, or just plain pissed, she wants you to sayang her. Never mind that you'd try and she'd push you away. Try again, and again, and again. Persist. Don't let her pull away or push you away. Here, I'm going to say this - Be a man. She loves you, and yes, she's not happy, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want you. Just that for us girls, when we're angry, it's hard for us to feel affectionate. Give us some time. Hug us tight. Hold our hands even when we don't want to. Kiss us. If we love you, we WILL return that hug and that kiss. Just be patient with us. That's what love is about, yes? It's not only about the good times. =)
We caught our first movie together - Avatar, in 3D. That makes it my favourite movie thus far. I loved the show btw. BREATHTAKING graphics. Good storyline. Except the blue characters freak me out, though you'll get used to it after a while.
We have been inseparable before my Hong Kong trip, and the Hong Kong trip was trying. I kept trying to find places where I could buy a local sim card which would allow me to make cheap IDD calls to Singapore. And he would call me on Skype.We would chat during his lunch or dinner break. And after his work. We talked a lot, and even though we chatted a lot on the phone, the growing lack of physical presence made me miss him like mad. I brought along my sister's laptop so we could chat on msn/skype and email. No webcam though, cos my laptop was still not repaired then (it got repaired later, but the flap started segregating...-.-).
Which reminds me, as I was halfway through my Hong Kong Holiday posts, much drama erupted and halted the holiday postings.
I returned from Hong Kong on New Year's Eve. He had wanted to pick me up at the airport, but due to work commitments he couldn't make it. Just as well. As much as I had hoped he could come, I thought it might have been better this way, so in case my family members came, I don't have to explain anything or go through an awkward introduction that this guy's my 'friend' which wouldn't be convincing cos I've been flying around for years, and unless you're my significant other, or unless someone's interested in me, not many 'friends' have picked me up at the airport before. You think friends nowadays very free meh?
Then, one morning (02Jan'10), cos we didn't want to head our separate ways home, (plus in the mornings no one's home) so I brought him to my place to chill (in any way it's definitely more comfortable than nua-ing in the car -.-")
So we were lazing, and then I decided to check my mail. And he was just sitting beside me watching me do my stuff.
And I saw this email header:
At that moment, apart from a sudden grip at my chest, my head was suddenly spinning. I was scared, and confused, and dying with curiosity. I gathered myself properly, and opened the email.
He's married? He's FUCKING married? So the ring meant something. It was his wedding band for fuck's sake! What's going on? If he was really married how come he had so much time to spend with me? And we had been talking on the phone till late almost EVERY night. If he has a wife doesn't the wife stay with him? Unless she is an airline crew which meant she would be away for days at a time, especially if she's with an international airline. THEN he would have plenty of time for me. Even so, we've been seeing each other daily.
I turned and looked him in the eye.
"Bb, what's going on?"
"Nothing's going on."
"Then who is she?"
Ah. This I've heard before. This SQ pilot who was cheating on the wife (and my gf) told my girlfriend that he had no girlfriend. And she was smart enough to ask "No girlfriend but got wife la." to which he admitted.
So, still trembling inside, I asked "Ex-girlfriend doesn't mean she's your current wife, right?"
"No." And he pulled me close. He was smiling. His face looks calm, but I could sense that he's tensing up behind the smile.
"BB, who is she, and why does she say she's your wife?"
"Anyone can say whatever they want to say. This is someone who doesn't want to let me go...Nothing's going on.."
Ah....a psychotic girlfriend who could not accept the fact that her relationship's over~~~
Suddenly I didn't know who to believe. This guy who, apart from spending a lot of time with me and being really sweet and all, has never told me anything about his background, family, life, history, or this girl who suddenly showed up in my gmail inbox who actually seemed nice is probably shaking as she typed the email to me, fearing for the worst.
I started crying. I couldn't help it. After a bad break up last year, yes, I had my fair share of admirers and went on dates, but in the end I had spent almost every night for almost a whole year crying to sleep cos I couldn't let go. Then after finally deciding to let go, I had met Joel, and fallen in love with him, and started to feel like I can be happy again, it turns out that everything might just become bubbles which would soon burst?
He closed in on me, and hugged me tight. "My life is in a mess now, but please don't worry, okay? Everything will be settled by next week, I promise. Don't worry about anything. Leave all the worrying for me to do, okay BB?"
"Don't reply her. Don't do anything. Leave everything to me."
I could no longer speak. A million things were running in my mind. I was scared, skeptical, confused, and worst of all I was lost. I didn't know what to do then. I didn't know how to reply her. I didn't know if I should reply her. How did she get my email? She read my smses to him? How? He's been meeting her too so she has access to his phone? Skype - she has his password so she could hack in? Or she just lives with him so she can just open it up on his computer and see? They must have been really close for her to know his password. Who was she, really? Was she the one I saw in the picture I found of him online then with a girl taken in 2007? Or was she just a psychotic ex-girlfriend? I've been receiving unkind, rude tags on my tagboard saying I was "cheap" and that "I love riding bikes and stealing other people's husbands and karma will fall on me." Were they her friends? And if so, if she was really married, how many people have she talked to about this? It concerned my reputation as well. I could not afford to be in a relationship like this which would kill me in the entertainment industry. After all that I have given up to be back to the entertainment circle, it was just not worth it. I don't want to be The Other Woman, a term I hate so much myself.
Was he really married? Did I really get myself involved with a married man? But he was so young! He had only just turned 25 a few months back! If he was married how come no one at the driving centre told me about it? They knew we went out more than once. Some of them even saw us together outside the driving centre once! No one knew he was married? How could no one know? Unless he didn't really love his girlfriend and got ROM-ed just to make her happy because he was just a drifter in the relationship (someone who just drifts along), and he has never told anyone about her existence. I wanted to run to the Registry of Marriages to find out the truth for myself. At the same time, I wanted to just listen to him and let him take care of everything and not get involved in this potentially huge mess.
I went out with him the next few days with a cautious mind and a reserved heart. Yes, we were still happy, and he made me laugh, a lot. But that matter was there. It was nagging and gnawing annoyingly at me. I still loved him, but repeated rude tags on my blog served as a troubling reminder, and that prevented me from further giving my all then.
I am a woman too, and I have had experience in being desperate in keeping my ex-boyfriend. I know how crazy a woman can get when she has loved too deep and given too much, only to be told the relationship's not working out. Truth it, it really wasn't working out, but I was too desperate to be rational about things then. I only wanted to keep my man, and trust me, I have been foolish before. (Try kneeling down and begging him not to go. Yes, I was THAT stupid)
I wasn't comfortable with leaving that email not replied. Sometimes, all we need is an answer, so we're not left hanging. Women make great scriptwrights - you leave her hanging, you can come up with 20 different twists and possible storylines. I had to go and meet him after his work, but I had a few hours, so I decided to do it - reply her.
Of course, the above emails were just excerpts and not the full email. (I've no idea how to print screen with the whole mail cos my blog settings are too narrow to fit the whole thing.)
I tried, as best as I could, to fathom a proper email to her. To be as objective as possible.
After replying her, I decided to open up the Registry of Marriages website. I found the page where you can check the marital status of a person. It would take a few weeks (or a few days, I couldn't remember), and you need to pay $30. WTH. KNN want to check this kind of things government also want us to pay. PUI!
If not for that, I would've just gone ahead with it. I was still lost. I still didn't know if he was really married. I didn't know if he was married have they "broken up"? Have they separated? Are they divorced already? I didn't know shit. And I couldn't take it any longer.
I went to Facebook to check out her account. To see if I can find pictures.
It was a painful process. Looking through all their sweet last-time pictures. At the zoo/birdpark, at home doing face masks together on the bed... They've shared a long time together...6 years is a long time, especially for a 21-year-old...Some pictures were even uploaded on 19Dec'09. I didn't know if they were taken close to that date, but seeing those pictures already made my heart clench and shrivel up. Had Joel really been lying to me? Or was he 敷衍-ing her in the last stages of their relationship?
And then I found it.
The album. The R.O.M album. Dated October 2009. They have only been recently married. Or registered, and pronounced man and wife, in the eyes of the law...
I couldn't move. I didn't know whether what I felt was hurt, anger, or whether I was pissed off. I thought it was painful. I might have imagined it, but I felt my heart fibrillating. I sensed tears, or rather, that ball of air and liquid coming out but got stuck in your chest. I felt my mind going blank. And then I broke down and cried...